Acolyte BBQ
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Feast your eyes and enjoy the ride of another favorite Acolyte pastime.


**Note: This story takes place before my story "Mutant Histeria".**

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**Acolyte BBQ**

"Oh, my head," Mastermind groaned while sprawled out on the couch in the recreation room. He closed his eyes and gently massaged his temples. "I hate it when Magneto has me test his latest calibrations to MADNESS. The resulting feedback always gives me headaches."

KA-BOOM!

"Though they are nothing compared to all the **other** headaches I get around here," Mastermind moaned.

"Hehehehehe!" Pyro skipped into the room with a big smile and a twinkle in his eyes. He quickly grabbed an armload of wooden pool cues and headed for the door. "Oh boy! This is gonna be great!"

"Speaking of which," Mastermind sighed. "Pyro, what are you up to?"

"Huh?" Pyro turned at the unexpected question. "Hey Masty! You shouldn't be lying about in here. Come on!"

"I am not moving from this spot...ahhh!" Mastermind yelped as Pyro nabbed his collar and excitedly dragged him out of the room. "Hey, let go!"

"Don't fret, mate. You haven't missed a thing," Pyro ignored Mastermind's protests as he eagerly led him down the hallway. "Thought you would've joined in by now, this being your first time and all..."

"What are you talking about?" Mastermind snapped while trying not to stumble. "Stop dragging me!"

"We've prepped some real treats for this one!" Pyro continued babbling animatedly. "You'll get better at prepping for it too once you know how to read the signs."

"What signs?" Mastermind blinked in confusion. "What is going on?"

"Don't you know?" Pyro gave a crazy grin. "_When the atmosphere is ruptured sending fresh scents to abound! Your nerves are battered as the air is shattered by the great and awesome sound!_"

"Oh no," Mastermind gulped nervously.

"_Of happy Acolytes making the place go up in flames!_" Pyro laughed maniacally as they entered the kitchen. "_By the smoke and smell you can plainly tell that it's barbie time again!_"

"What the?" Mastermind stood stunned at the row of grills and smokers crammed into the kitchen. Remy and Piotr manned them while the counter was crowded with fully loaded bowls, trays and dishes.

"So you finally decided to show up, eh?" Sabertooth noticed Mastermind and waved a bare T-bone at him. "Better have the stomach for it."

"_When the steaks are burning fiercely and the smoke gets in your eyes!_" Pyro let go of Mastermind and began singing happily with Remy and Piotr. "_The ribs are seared like Sabertooth's beard and the grill is full of pies!_"

"Ouch," Mastermind winced at the glowing ends of Sabertooth's mutton chops. "Does that happen often?"

"Only when I'm around **them**," Sabertooth grunted rubbing his scorch mark covered chin. "Why do you think I never have to shave?"

"_It's an Acolyte tradition! You'll grow to love it too!_" Remy, Pyro and Piotr continued. "_So loose your belt and brace yourself for an Acolyte barbecue!_"

"Oh boy," Mastermind gulped as flames leapt out from one of the grills. "How the heck are those lunatics able to use those things in here? They should have been asphyxiated by now!"

"Not with all the holes they blew in the ceiling," Sabertooth casually pointed upward. "And the series of fans they rigged up."

"Of course," Mastermind groaned gazing at the sky. "Magneto is going to **love** this!"

"_Now the X-Men like their Gut Bombs and fare that is vegan!_" Pyro lectured as he began to break the pool cues into little pieces. "_The Brotherhood steals every one of their meals! Morlocks scrounge for what they can!_"

"Mor-what?" Mastermind blinked.

"A minor mutant group," Sabertooth cracked open his T-bone and sucked out the marrow. "Just forget about it. We never run into them anyway."

"_The schools infuse their lunches with red dye number two!_" Remy smirked working the smoker. "_But ya just can't beat the half-cooked meat of an Acolyte barbecue!_"

"I know whom **I** would like to beat," Mastermind groaned. "The maniac who keeps putting me in these situations!"

"_When the steaks are burning fiercely and the smoke gets in your eyes!_" Pyro soaked the mesquite pool cue pieces in water before tossing them on the fire. "_The ribs are seared like Sabertooth's beard and the grill is full of pies!_"

"Yikes!" Mastermind yelped as Remy tossed a finished pie through the air and onto a platter.

"_It's an Acolyte tradition! You'll grow to love it too!_" Remy, Pyro and Piotr sang happily.

"Want to bet?" Mastermind shot them a look.

"_So loose your belt and brace yourself for an Acolyte barbecue!_" The three younger mutants cheered as they proceeded to eat while cooking.

"I can't stand it," Mastermind held a hand to his head. He turned toward Sabertooth. "You actually approve of all this?"

"Eh, what can I say?" Sabertooth shrugged grabbing an entire rack of ribs. "These idiots may be a bunch of crazy, out-of-control wackos, but they sure can cook!"

"Oh geeze," Mastermind as Sabertooth tore into the ribs. "That is it. I'm out of here...aaahhhhhh!" He yelped as Remy, Pyro and Piotr grabbed him and plopped him onto a stool. They then began stuffing food into his mouth. "Help!"

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro giggled as he turned to tend one of the grills. "_Now the outer crust is browning on the mint ice cream kebabs!_" He sampled one and gave Mastermind another. "_The shrimp is roasted and the salmon toasted topped with lemon-lime Jell-O blobs!_"

"Gahhh!" Mastermind gurgled as Piotr gave each of them several bites.

"_The chicken thighs are drowning in mounds of sauerkraut!_" Remy sang indicating them. "_And what you saw in Sabertooth's maw, you just don't think about!_"

"Glup!" Mastermind whimpered turning slightly green.

"What the devil is going on here?!" Magneto stormed into the kitchen looking irate. He took in the smorgasbord of food, fire and grills. "Oh no, not again!"

"_When the steaks are burning fiercely and the smoke gets in your eyes!_" Remy, Pyro and Piotr sang as they continued to pour more food down their own and Mastermind's throats. "_The ribs are seared like Sabertooth's beard and the grill is full of pies!_"

"You're gonna be full of lead when I'm finished with you!" Magneto roared at them in fury. "I've warned you fools about doing this...AAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed as a finished pie flew through the air and hit him in the face. "YEEEOOOWWW! THAT'S HOT! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"_It's an Acolyte tradition! You'll grow to love it too!_" Remy, Pyro and Piotr grinned as Magneto blindly ran around the kitchen in panic. "_So loose your belt and brace yourself for an Acolyte barbecue!_"

"Ohhh," Mastermind moaned now with a noticeably larger stomach.

"_And when the grates have melted and the drip pan's overflowed!_" Pyro patted his own happy belly. "_With your tummy bulging after done indulging and you feel like you'll explode!_"

"Ooo," Mastermind appeared to be on the verge of doing so.

"_You may hear Magneto vowing with his face all black and blue!_" Remy smirked knowingly.

"COME RAIN OR SHINE THAT'S THE VERY LAST TIME YOU'LL HAVE A BARBECUE!" Magneto howled with his stained face and hair covered with bits of pie.

"I wouldn't count on it," Sabertooth burped reaching for a tray. "Are these raw bison hearts? Alright!"

"_When the steaks are burning fiercely and the smoke gets in your eyes!_" Remy, Pyro and Piotr sang happily. "_The ribs are seared like Sabertooth's beard and the grill is full of pies!_"

"I am going to die...ooo..." Mastermind moaned miserably.

"_It's an Acolyte tradition! You'll grow to love it too!_" The three younger mutants declared.

"NEVER!" Magneto yelled still blinded by pie filling.

"_So loose your belt and brace yourself for an Acolyte barbecue!_" Remy, Pyro and Piotr cheered digging into the food. "_Oh' loose your belt and brace yourself for an Acolyte barbecue!_"

"AAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed apoplectically as his uniform caught on fire. "OW! OW! OW!"

"I miss my headaches," Mastermind whimpered.

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**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Aussie BBQ".**


End file.
